Survival Tips for S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruits

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #537:
Please do not try to tell Mr. Stark or Captain Rogers that you ‘ship them’, and do not try to convince them that they got married in an alternate universe.

[Submitted independently in multiple variations.]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #544:
Do not attempt to start a ‘Vintage ’40s Day’ on the Helicarrier just to see Captain Rogers’s reaction.

[Submitted by a-creepy-black-van-pulled-up-and]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #524:
Captain Rogers’s shield is not to be used for target practice.

[Submitted anonymously]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #512:
Please refrain from referring to Captain Rogers as ‘Capsicle’. For that matter, please refrain from using any of Mr. Stark’s nicknames for anyone.

[Submitted by punkteacup13]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #498:
Captain Rogers is willing to humor his fans to a certain extent, but if you accidentally text him the photo you’ve taken of yourself in his suit, you’re on your own.

[Submitted by boisebeauty]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #494:
Do not refer to either Agent Coulson or Captain Rogers as ‘the Den Mother’.

[Submitted by elkian]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #491:
Do not attempt to flirt with Captain Rogers by asking if he tastes like all-American apple pie and freedom.

[Submitted by gracegaskarth]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #487:
Please refrain from challenging Captain Rogers, Thor, Tony Stark, or Agent Romanov to a drinking game. Any of these challenges will very likely result in your needing medical assistance due to alcohol poisoning.

[Submitted by heylookahufflepuff]