S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #568:
Don’t touch Lola.

[And this is as good a way as any as saying that there’s no better time to be back in business. Sorry for the unannounced hiatus.]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #567:
Field agents must stop shouting ‘To the Batmobile!’ when returning to the Helicarrier at the conclusion of missions.

[Submitted by punkrockartpirate]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #537:
Please do not try to tell Mr. Stark or Captain Rogers that you ‘ship them’, and do not try to convince them that they got married in an alternate universe.

[Submitted independently in multiple variations.]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #565:
There is not, nor will there ever be, a S.H.I.E.L.D Christmas pin-up calendar of various agents.

[Submitted anonymously]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #564:
While it might seems like a kind gesture, trying to give Doctor Banner a hug when he seems stressed is actually a very bad idea.

[Submitted by louxia]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #563:
Play Gangnam Style at your own risk. Some people will happily join in, others will not react nearly as well.

[Submitted by papermassacre]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #562:
If you see Wade Wilson tampering with the coffee machines, report it immediately and don’t let anyone drink from them.

[Submitted by elkian]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #561:
In the event that Dr. Banner becomes enraged, please do not attempt to perform the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the Hulk to calm him down.

[Submitted by hardboiledandwutnot]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #560:
Never underestimate Squirrel Girl.

[Submitted by louxia]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #559:
Yes, we are aware of other superpowered beings on the planet. No, you may not suggest that we make them Avengers. The team is very carefully formed.

[Submitted by askflitterandcloudchaser]